This week I’ve been feeling.. anxious.
This is a very different post. It’s usually all up beat and fun vibes over here – because that’s how it is 99% of the time. But there are days where I really, realllly suffer from anxiety. And call me crazy buuuut I think a lot of people do without talking about it, no? Instead we go on social media, stalk the best of people’s lives, and feel worse. Exactly what I did this morning.
I woke up with a tight chest, feeling bloated, kinda down, cry-ish, and REALLY anxious. For no reason at all. I have an amazing apartment with an incredible supportive boyfriend, a healthy family, and the best loving doggy.
Why would I have anxiety? & I’m talking about the kind that puts you in your bed for a full day with a squeezing, burning chest. As if you were sick. That kind.
I’ve had the most sincere people reach out asking about anxiety since I’ve posted about it slightly on my blog, and I LOVE that people feel comfortable enough to talk with ME about their struggles. So I figured I would give you guys a full-on post about anxiety. There is nothing I hate more than feeling trapped, and talking about it is.. a relief, almost. I feel better hearing what other people do and how they handle it. Sometimes I’m even shocked to learn WHO has anxiety.
Anxiety is CONTROLLING. Especially when it turns into an attack. I mean, get me on a plane and I’m in full blown panic mode. But I travel, so I’ve learned how to control my own body.
It’s something I have had since I can remember. I worry about my loved ones leaving the house – the unknown. Like, what happens if something happens? It’s crippling. A very hard thing to deal with. Sleep isn’t in my daily routine – my mind is too anxious.
& shit, the mind is STRONG.
I’m not a doctor, obviously. But I have learned a lot about myself throughout anxiety attacks and if that can help anyone, I’m happy.
Yes, I’m going to do this step-by-step for you to see.
Every teeny, tiny detail and exactly what I did at that moment in time. DETAILS. Always!
10:00 pm – getting ready to get into bed and I start to feel my chest get a little tight, so I put laundry away to keep my mind busy. I try to pinpoint where it is stemming from.. why my chest is all of a sudden getting tight. Nothing.
Finished with the laundry. I crack my bedroom window – I need air.
I lay down and start to talk to BA (my boyfriend, duh). One leg starts to shake back and forth and my thighs become really trembly. It’s always my thighs.
Now I start to feel a tighter squeeze in my chest and I get more anxious because I feel like I can’t fully breathe – kind of like the room is closing in on me? Like I need to get out.
I get out of the bed and pace the apartment. I open the living room window – I need more air.
My hands become extremely sweaty and my chest a litttttle bit tighter.
Think about waking up BA, but talking isn’t a thing – I can’t talk to someone. All I can come up with to say is “I don’t know”. (In college, I would call my mom and have her talk the entire time. I wouldn’t say anything.)
So I literally stand by the open window.
Full blown tears out of no where. Plus fast paced breathing. Very, very quick breaths.. making it harder on myself to calm down.
It’s about 10:45 now. 45 minutes of complete panic.
That’s when I sit down.. when I start to take short breaths. And let me tell you – it took me years to figure out how to calm myself down. It isn’t easy, at all. I would do short, quick breaths for hours before to the point of feeling nauseous and dizzy. So if you are stuck trying, keep trying. There IS some way you can make yourself calm again, you just have to find it.
I sit down and I take the DEEPEST breaths you’ve ever ‘fing heard. That’s when it all starts to come down. My chest loosens up and I can pinpoint what is happening. It was nighttime – I hate nighttime. I get anxiety (clearly), I don’t sleep, it’s so dark, there’s no one around really, I just hate it. I want sunlight. The night just isn’t my thing.
& that’s where it stemmed from. Simple as that. I got anxiety and let it turn into a panic attack because.. it was nighttime.
Try to learn your body and what works for you.
I’ve learned how to breathe. And when I say breathe, I mean really breathe. Huge, deep-ass breaths. When I do yoga at home you can literally hear me take a breath from the other room (like, obnoxiously).
Go for walks when you can. I walk, a lot. Hot or cold. I’m walking.
Open some windows. Fresh air is a game changer.
Workout. Runs, walks, sometimes just stretching. Whatever the mood is that day. Simply moving just helps relax my body. That’s why I pace. Yoga is my go-to.
Once in a while, stay in bed. I let myself just.. rest. You need to listen to your body. Sometimes I’m anxious because I’m SO overwhelmed and tired. I got huge inspiration with this one from Jordan over at The Balanced Blonde – right here. Honestly, sometimes I even go on her page and read her posts at night. They are SO inspiring and they bring me down a notch. Find something you like to read and read it. A book, a blog, etc. Reading keeps your mind off of the unknown.
Pinpoint where your anxiety stems from and go from there. Like I said, mine is at night. I’ve started putting calm magnesium powder in my tea before bed and I keep myself busy so my mind isn’t going from 0 to 100. I write a lot at night. It brings me down.
I’ve also noticed that I have anxiety more in the winter than I do in the summer. I was really deficient in my vitamin D, so I take supplements for that. I’ve also started taking some ashwagandha from Moon Juice. (Remember the moon juice post ?)
Watch your caffeine. I put more ingredients in my coffee now (stalk my protein coffee here) so I’m not so shaky on it and I’ve noticed it’s helped a lot with my anxiety as well. Too much caffeine throughout the day was putting me over the edge at night.
I have had some people ask if I’ve taken medicine – I have before, yes. But it wasn’t really for me. I got weird side effects and didn’t like taking something daily. I do my best to go about anxiety in a natural way. But what’s right for me isn’t always right for everyone.
I’m thinking about trying acupuncture – I’ve heard amazing things. I’ll obviously keep you guys up to date on that. Have any of you tried??? DETAILS PLEASE.
If you suffer from anxiety – I’m SORRY. It’s never fun. Let me know what you guys are doing for it!
..on that note.. happy friday babes